Have You Seen This Yet?

Dear You,

The person reading this, I felt the need to write you this note because of allllllll (feel free to add more “L’s” as you see fit) the things that have come to my hearing lately. I won’t bore you with the details. I will only tell you what I told the person who ‘gisted’ me about you. I told him that you are not being stubborn. I told him that you are going through a lot for your age (i take it that you are about sixteen or thereabout). I told him that beating you, seizing your phone and breaking the memory card or sim will not put an end to your solicitation for boyfriends/girlfriends. It won’t prevent you from going out with your friends. It won’t even stop you from buying another phone or sim or memory card. In fact, I told him not to talk to you about dating (or having sex with) your current boyfriend/girlfriend.

Here is what I told him. I told him that you are growing up. And that you are finding it difficult to understand all the changes that you are experiencing in your body. I told him that your parents don’t even realise that you have started menstruating. They don’t know that you have started having wet dreams and girls think you are attractive. I told him that your friends are telling you things about yourself that are lies at best and confusing most of the time. I told him that you have settled for these “Facts” because no one else seems to care. I told him that unless he is ready to help you with the needed tools to develop yourself, he might as well forget about you altogether.

I told him that you need three very important things: A HANDIWORK, SEX EDUCATION AND SPIRITUALITY. You need to be “HSS-compliant”. A handiwork will ensure that you are busy developing your talent or skill, it will keep your mind preoccupied and your hands productive. It will fill the vacuum which the on-going ASUU strike has created or keep you busy while you await admission. It will also equip you to face life at least with something to start off, rather than make you dependent on your folks.

Sex Education is that set of information which will be useful in helping you know who you are as a person (guy or girl) and to know that your body is a gift from God. It will also tell you that all the things you feel, the emotions, the urges, the hormonal changes, are normal and that you will not die if you do not have that sex play with your boyfriend/girlfriend. It will also teach you to know that sex is sweet. But sex at your age can be DANGEROUS. It is very unhealthy for people to only see you as a means of sexual gratification. If all you think about, talk about and do is sexual in nature, then there is a biiiiiiggggggg problem. You are not just a sex object; you are a human being. There is much more to you than just having sex.

It does not matter if you say that you only play with each other’s bodies or simply just kiss. One thing always leads to the other. And gradually you will find out that play is not complete without ‘akpako’ (or straf, ‘chopping biscuit’, ‘kwaf’ or whatever else you call it….you know what I mean ;)). The truth they don’t tell you about having premarital sex is that it leaves you with more problems than solution. You start by having it with one person. Soon that is no longer enough. The great number of partners exposes you to the danger of pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases and abortion which might imply that you would drop out of school. As a girl, the problem is even greater. No one will want to marry a lady who has had a child in her father’s house. You might not be able to continue your education. Without education, you do not have a voice. You do not have a future. You will not be able to stand up for yourself. What will you teach your children when they come of age? How will you explain to them that they have a mother without a father? How will they view you when people in the neighbourhood call you degrading names?

Spirituality will ensure that you see yourself also as a spiritual being. You are created by God, in his image and likeness (cf. Genesis 1:26). You are created to do great things for yourself and for your family and society. You have been given all the needed mental and physical capacity to succeed. You are going to be great because God lives in you and continues to walk with you. You have a DIVINE CONNECTION TO GOD. This connection needs to be ACTIVATED and SUSTAINED. Prayer, Good works, Good company, reading healthy books and articles like this one (I had to say it!) and quiet times will help you nurture and strengthen yourself in God. They will keep you away from people who only think that the best thing in life is “being cool” or being the “happening guy/babe”. It will also cut you off from the mania which some call “sexting”, that is sending nude pictures of yourself to friends/partners. In fewer words, you will begin to live a sane life. All I have said will only be fairy tales until you SPEAK TO YOURSELF. The wise person does not need to be told the truth twice.

@jaaymary