I couldn’t believe myself and what happened a few days ago when I decided to go do a little shopping. I had just left the photo lab and this motorcycle rider looked as though he was going in my direction. I asked how much it would take to get to the shopping complex two miles away. I noticed his northern accent and switched to Hausa. We struck a fair deal and I got on the bike. Soon we were speaking Hausa, trading information about our origins and what I was doing down south. I try here to recast our conversation in English:
“There are a lot of Igbo people up north”, he says.
“I guess so…” was my reply.
“So what brings you down south?” he asked.
“I school at the University. I’m a student”
He gives off a mischievous laugh and asks, “So you’re ‘banging’ them girls, right?” He meant to say ‘So you’re a playboy’.
“Nooooo….” I said.
What I really wanted to do was smack him over the head and say “Aboki, are you crazy?”
What he said really gave me an insight into what he thought every student my age was all about.
“I am in school to study…” I purposely left the sentence hanging. “…and not to chase girls”, he added knowingly.
Somehow I felt justified speaking to him. But something in me felt like shedding tears for the way we have become thwarted and nothing more than mobile sex freaks; even when we are not having sex.
I personally do not subscribe to sex before marriage. If I ever consider getting into a serious marriage-viable relationship, sex will definitely not take the front seat. Don’t get me wrong, sex has its purpose. What I do mind is when it is made the only purpose for a relationship.
Two people get together, get laid and they go their separate ways. It just doesn’t sound right. Whatever happened to traditional values like love, commitment, fidelity, family, communication and companionship? I guess they are now consigned to ancient history.
I did not have so much time with my biker-friend, but I am glad I left him a feel of a different way of reasoning. People are often trapped in funny mentalities because they believe everyone else is doing the same.
The greatest misconception ever entertained is probably the thoughts that everyone is having sex. But when we try to challenge such social misgivings, we soon realise there are some good, cultured, well-mannered and respectable people out there. And they are definitely not in the minority.
Stand for something, anything! Stand for what you believe. The only caveat I would append to this is that you should be willing to claim responsibility for the outcome of your beliefs and actions.
Jay Mary.
@jaaymary
Jay's Blog 
I really am INCREDIBLY, INSANELY HAPPY to know that there’s actually SOMEONE who thinks like me. 😀 I seriously LOVE you for not being a **** lunatic, like SOME people I know. This really made my day. I’m so glad you care about your respect, your dignity and you respect love, commitment and relationships. You know what Jay, I think the exact same thing. You see, I am a Muslim and so it is “Haraam” (forbidden) in my religion to have intercourse before marriage, but even apart from that, when I hear about people or even talk to people who so proudly say that they’re “players” and they “have millions of boyfriends/girlfriends”, it really disappoints me. I always feel, “What’s the world coming to? What just happened to these people? Why doesn’t anyone even give a hoot about the fact that SEX IS NOT LIFE?!” It’s sad, just sad. But hey, I’m so very proud to know that there are still people like you who respect love and value serious relationships. I don’t even know how to describe how much all this means to me. I adore you. 😀
Hey Fatimah, it is always a pleasure to read from you (even the words are inadequate to convey exactly what I want to say!) I must say that it’s really disheartening to hear people speak freely of things they should be ashamed of. But I guess that is the down-side of human freedom. We have the freewill to choose goodness or evil. To be optimistic, I am convinced that one day, they all will come to see some reason in our (people like us) point of view. I hope you’re doing fine. I think you deserve to know a little more about me. I am Jude-Mary Owoh. I am Nigerian, 28, a Catholic. My faith is my way of life. It is not an imposition at all. I do what I do and say all I say out of conviction. I guess I am also INCREDIBLY, INSANELY HAPPY to know you. Salama lekum (I hope that is correct?)
Hi, Jay. It’s wonderful talking to you, as always. I really liked your latest article. Thank you very much for your complete introduction, I really appreciate it. As you mentioned earlier on, you wanted to read a new article from me and so I wrote a new one titled “It’s a Taboo”. It’s about how I feel that if topics like prostitution and rape were not taboos, people would not have to go through the misery that they do. Everything mentioned there is completely my own opinion and my own view. I hope you like it. And yes, you have written it perfectly. Walekum Asalam. 🙂 xoxo.
Hi, Jay. It’s wonderful talking to you, as always. I really liked your latest article. Thank you very much for your complete introduction, I really appreciate it. As you mentioned earlier on, you wanted to read a new article from me and so I wrote a new one titled “It’s a Taboo”. It’s about how I feel that if topics like prostitution and rape were not taboos, people would not have to go through the misery that they do. Everything mentioned there is completely my own opinion and my own view. I hope you like it. And yes, you have written it perfectly. Walaikum Asalam.
Thanks dear. I hope you slept well? I only just read your comment. I am definitely on my way to your page. I’ll leave my comment as soon as I am done. Thanks again.
Oopsi Daisy. Sorry for repeating the same comment twice. I’m forgetful, in a scary way, sometimes. 😀 I don’t know how to to delete my second last comment, so how about you do that instead? Thanks. 😀
It’s alright dear. I don’t mind the duplication, especially with the xoxo and the smiley at the end of the second one. I hope you slept well? Do have a great day.
Awwwh. 🙂 Slept well? I don’t exactly fall asleep too easily. My mind’s always too busy thinking about and trying to solve my little problems. But eventually, I do fall asleep. So yes, I slept. 😀 Hope you’re doing great. Have a wonderful day. 🙂
Hi fatimah, how has week been? I hope life is treating you well? I just thought to check on you. I really don’t know if I’ll be able to post any article this week. My exams begin on Monday and I’m still trying to get my head around it. If I do find the time, you might want to check it out. It’s entitled “My Girl is a Fighter”. Stay blessed.
Hi Fatimah, it’s been a while. How have you been? I just tot to say hi. Allah’s blessings upon you.
Hi Fatimah, it’s been a while. I’ve been busy with my final exams and final exams. I am glad they are over with now. What’s good, and what’s been happening with you? Holler back as soon as you read this. Bless you.
dats a classic case of judgemental classification, pple just make certain assumptions based on a person falling into a particular age group. Bt if i have learnt any thing in my years in sch, its that
ALL OR NONE LAW DOESN’T EXIST IN NATURE!
That is, its impossible for evry1 to b doing d same thing or succumb to d same ideals, some1 will always have a diff idea and that has helped me greatly in dealing with people.
Its great to knw dia r pple out dere who have d courage to stand against the norm.
God bless you Jay.
U haven’t posted in over 2 months. Hope nothing o…